rite an evaluation essay
i need this in a day. I have attached the grading criteria . please read it before starting writing. Please use simple English, not high level English. Please include the outline of what you wrote on separate document.
Topic:Money is important to success
please be sure to focus on argument and you have to bring the argument that against your opinion with the sources once support your opinion and one against.
Building upon the strategies you have learned for the categorical/definitional essay, you will write an evaluation essay in which you defend something you enjoy (a hobby, sport, film, book, musical artist, etc.) against an oppositional audience by comparatively evaluating your topic as an exemplary example of the niche (category) it fills. What are you “nerdy” about? What hobby or interest fully engages you—even obsesses you—that your peers may not understand? Imagine that your audience dislikes, or at the very least does not understand the appeal of, your selected topic. Examples: The Fifty Shades movies are sex-positive criticisms of modern gender dynamics because (a, b, c), or MMA is the fairest of all sports because (a, b, c), or Knitting is a good form of exercise for arthritic patients because (a, b, c), or Knitting is a good form of physical rehabilitation for professional athletes because (a, b, c) are all good ways to evaluate your topic, and in each you will argue against different audiences, each opposed to your argument. This essay is similar to the definitional argument and you will build upon the skills you learned for the last paper. However, evaluation arguments are a bit more complicated. You must decide which criteria are most relevant to your topic. For example, in the first example above, which criterion is the more important element of romantic movie: a happy ending, romantic strife, the threat of an external love interest? Decide which of your criteria is necessary and which are merely sufficient. You may define the categories (Y) your X-term fits into by your own rubric or by that of an exterior source. Remember: you are not evaluating ethical concerns, nor are you merely expressing an opinion; you are making a solid argument that your topic is a better fit for its category than other options may be. We will discuss this further in class, so attendance is imperative. All essays should be typed (doubled-spaced, with TIMES NEW ROMAN 12-point font and 1” margins) and a minimum of 1250 words is required. THREE SOURCES are REQUIRED for this essay, ONE in support of your argument and ONE in opposition to it, and may not include Wikipedia, any dictionary or encyclopedia, or personal websites or blogs. I encourage you to make use of class time, my office hours, and e-mail if you have any questions or difficulties while completing this assignment.
Lastname 4
Some notes on grading:
When I grade your essays, I do so in a specific fashion
1) I look at the essay at “arm’s length.” Does it look like an MLA essay with correct font, spacing, heading, title, works cited format, length etc. This is where I note that the essay is too short, at 1200 words of actual essay, out of 1500.
2) I look at the works cited page. Here I note that the third source is missing an element.
3) I then look for (Hudson) (LaSalle) and (Jordan) to be cited in the text. I also look for other signs of sources that aren’t cited. (Behind the scenes, InSite confirms that the only familiar text it notices is associated with these three sources. Good. Once we have passed these checkpoints, I know that the essay is gradable (it doesn’t need to be resubmitted), but it has problems reaching the necessary length and there is one moderate-to-serious citation problem.
4) I then read and grade the essays. See my notes in the grading and the margin comments below.
This is what I want you to do when you peer review this week.
Basic Outline:
Introduce issue by showing disagreements
State your claim in a thesis statement
(If you can evaluate the quality of a Y based on evaluating how well it does a, b, c, and d, then X is a great Y)
State and develop criteria of genre
Evaluate and compare subject
Summarize and respond to opposition
Conclude by looking ahead
Grading Criteria:
· 10/__________Appropriate Topic: Is the subject controversial or problematic? Does the paper indicate why the issue is significant? Can the topic be adequately addressed within 1500 words? Is the topic original?
Good topic. The specificity of the topic works in its favor, especially how the author reverses the argument half-way through.
· 10/_________Thesis: Does the thesis appear early in the paper? Does the thesis make a claim and provide justification for that claim? Does the thesis accurately reflect the content of the paper?
Thesis is clear, specific, and boldly stated
· 10/_________Development and Organization: Does the essay adhere to the classical essay format (title, introduction with thesis, body, topic sentences, transitions, and conclusion)?
Intro pulls off the rare trick of using 2nd person voice (you) well. Normally, it is a tricky move to tell your audience what they think or have experienced because, if you are wrong, they lose trust with you. If you call too much attention to the fact that they are reading an argument or responding, you will pull them right out. The intro however describes a scene that many modern adults have found them in. Take a look at the paragraph again and see if it sounds like a moment from your own life.
The paragraphs are clearly designed and used well. Paragraphs 2 &3 reveal and argue the twisty plot part of the thesis, paragraph 4 deals with the mediocre acting, and paragraph 5 with the clichés. She then works through the three criteria a second time, presenting opposition (with an ironic flair), followed by a conclusion. The conclusion is weak. It should look to expand the argument beyond the bounds of the argument.
· 10/_________Quality of criteria: Are the evaluation criteria both necessary and sufficient for evaluating the Y term?
The author “States and develops criteria of genre” in paragraphs 2-5 at the same time that she is “evaluating the subject.
· 20/_________Quality of evaluation: Are the evaluation criteria adequately applied to the topic under scrutiny?
The author essentially evaluates the movie twice, in paragraphs 2-5 and then, conceding to the opposition voiced by the critics, she allows that the film isn’t the BEST Lifetime movie because it has some actual elements of quality filmmaking and storytelling to it.
· 20/_________Audience Awareness: Does the writer address and consider the audience throughout the essay?
See my earlier note on the use of second person. There are some moments where the author is either stuck in a redundancy or doesn’t trust the audience to follow. She explains that adult Diana is played by Uma Thurman three times on one page. This treats the audience as stupider than they are. Uses a nice bit of humor by comparing the themes of the film to those of Baby Monitor: The Sound of Fear.
· 30/_________Qualifiers and opposition: Is the claim qualified appropriately? Does the paper address alternative views or opposing arguments?
As I said, she incorporates the opposing viewpoints well.
· 30/_________Sources and documentation: Are the sources adequate, appropriate, and useful? Do they support rather than carry the weight of the argument? Are they documented correctly?
Two of the three sources are good reviews. The one that is only Lifetime movie titles is not a worthwhile source. It is of note that the sources only come into play in the second half of the essay. The Author never uses a sources to support her own argument. Rather than just reviews, she could have looked for any of the articles about the lack of good roles for older actresses on TV and in the movies to discuss Uma Thurman’s role. She could have looked for sources involving the actual long-term effects on survivors of school shootings to see if the film treated the concept respectfully. Anything at all to expand the argument. This would have provided material which she could have used to enrich the conclusion as well.
Also, the third source on the works cited page is missing its Source Title: which is SFGate.
· 10/__________Mechanics and Sentence Structure: In addition to meeting the assignment format criteria, papers should be free of grammatical and spelling errors. Sentences should be well-developed, indicating familiarity with a variety of sentence constructions.
A variety of comma errors, its vs it’s issues, doesn’t spell out all simple numbers, doesn’t capitalize Columbine, and other proofreading issues. This is one draft away from being done.
Firstname Lastname Comment by A Rintala:
Anthony Rintala Comment by A Rintala: Notice the even 2x spacing between every line
English 201.xx
24 Feb. 2014
The Lifetime Before Our Eyes
Its mid-afternoon on a week day and as usual, there is nothing on television except: boring paid-programming commercials, soap operas, and Lifetime movies. The same paid programming commercial has been playing all day, the current soap episode is a rerun, and the only thing left to watch is a cheesy Lifetime movie. Generally, Lifetime movies are never an option but, out of desperation you put down the remote and begin to intensely watch. After about two hours of drama-filled, mind-bending movies later your perception of this genre has changed. Though Lifetime movies can be ludicrous and unappealing, The Life Before Her Eyes, is a great depiction of the perfect Lifetime movie; considering its twisted plot, mediocre acting, and its ability to capture the dramatic cliché of a troubled woman. Comment by A Rintala: “It is,” Comment by A Rintala: PARAGRAPH ONE: Catches interestClear thesis Comment by A Rintala: Comment by A Rintala: day, and, as usual, Comment by A Rintala: desperation, Comment by A Rintala: After about two hours …laterThis is redundant. Two mind-bending, dramatic hours later Comment by A Rintala: Movies, TV shows, albums, books, magazines, etc always are in italics.
The Life Before Her Eyes, is revolved around the troubling effects a columbine-like shooting has on a teenage girl named, Diana. The shooting occurs at the high school where Diana and Maureen, the main characters, attend. The two girls are polar opposites; however, their differences are what have brought them to be such close friends. It begins with the two friends in the bathroom when they begin to hear horrifying screams and wild gun fire. Diana automatically realizes that it is Michael Patrick, the class outcast, who had revealed earlier in the week that he was going to bring a gun to school and kill everyone. At that moment Michael enters the bathroom and threatens to kill one of the girls, but gives the option of letting one of them live. From that point the movie flashes forward 15 years, revealing that Diana’s life is nothing she imagined it would be. The plot constantly takes surprising turns as flash backs become more frequent and revealing. Comment by A Rintala: Normally, I would say that the plot synopsis here is unnecessary—you can assume your audience has seen the film—but she quickly uses the scalating plot twists and flashbacks to show how “twisty” the plot is, so this serves a purpose Comment by A Rintala: Comma splice Comment by A Rintala: Comma splice Comment by A Rintala: Spell numbers notice that “one” and “two” are spelled out within a sentence or two. Be consistent.
The movie is a great example of a Lifetime drama, thriller, because it has a twisted plot. To be considered a “Lifetime movie,” the plot of the story typically has to have a convoluted edge. These kinds of movies take several surprising twists and turns to throw off the audience. For example, in The Life Before Her Eyes, the audience is led to believe that Maureen, Diana’s best friend, is the one that was murdered in the bathroom. However, as the movie continues and the flash backs become less and less subtle; it becomes apparent that Diana was the one that was killed, not Maureen; and the entire movie is Diana seeing her life passing before she dies. Diana is considered the rebellious, bad girl, while, Maureen, is the pure, avid church-going type; and when Michael gives the two girls the option of who to live or die, Diana sacrifices herself as she feels she does not deserve to live over Maureen. The flashbacks reveal prior events of Diana’s life that she feels guilty about, however there are so many twists and turns in the storyline it is hard to keep up with. The only way to make of what happened throughout the movie was to do continuous research about what all the symbols and flash backs represented. Though it was confusing, that type of complexity is what makes for a good Lifetime movie. Lifetime movies generally leave the viewer at a loss because the plots are overwhelming and completely absurd. The complexity of The Life Before Her Eyes is what makes it such a “textbook” example of a Lifetime movie. Comment by A Rintala: Avoid “scare quotes”
When it comes to Lifetime movies not only does the plot have to be misleading, the acting has to be less than mediocre; and The Life Before Hey Eyes does that perfectly. Though the actresses that play young Diana (Evan Rachel Wood) and adult Diana (Uma Thurman) are fairly well-known, their performances are less than satisfactory. Uma Thurman, who plays the adult Diane, has very little lines and when she does speak she comes across very odd. However, this is exactly the kind of acting needed to make a Lifetime movie. Comment by A Rintala: typo Comment by A Rintala: #1 Comment by A Rintala: #2 Comment by A Rintala: DianA
Another quality needed to make the “perfect” Lifetime movie is a plot that revolves around a “damsel in distress.” There are countless troubling events that occur in Diana’s teen life, such as: dealing with her parents’ divorce, despising herself for being known as the class “whore”, and she is constantly rebelling against her mother; and in her adult life: the guilt of having an abortion, and the thought that she could have prevented the shooting by telling someone what Michael said haunt her daily. Throughout the entire movie Diana is nothing but depressed and she is constantly paranoid. For example, movie critic, Stephen Holden, explains “Diana (played by Thurman) walks around with the anxious scowl of someone hiding from herself” (Holden). The amount of drama in this film is what counters for a great Lifetime movie. However, with all the above being said, The Life Before Her Eyes, can also be considered a poor example of a Lifetime movie because, the plot is ironically, to well explained. Lifetime movies are generally considered amateur pieces of work and this film is more than adequate. For example, movie critic, Mick LaSalle, says this film is “Thoroughly thought through and photographed with imagination and psychological penetration, it’s the product of a very shrewd directorial hand” (LaSalle). The film shows deep emotion and uses symbols to subtly get its story across, which is the opposite of a Lifetime movie. Lifetime movies typically have cliché, predictable storylines and The Life Before Her Eyes is well thought out. Comment by A Rintala: spacing Comment by A Rintala: “whore,” Comment by A Rintala: Comment by A Rintala: #3 Comment by A Rintala: Comma splice Comment by A Rintala: Since she named him in the sentence, she doesn’t need the parenthesis Comment by A Rintala:
In addition, the acting is better than what Lifetime movies normally have. It has big named actors such as, Uma Thurman, and Evan Rachel Wood. “Typical” Lifetime movies have acting so terrible that even the saddest moments are hard to take seriously. In this film, movie critic explains how Evan Rachel Wood (who plays young Diana) does an exceptional job at once again playing a troubled teen. “A hands-down extraordinary performance by Evan Rachel Wood, as a high school senior who witnesses a horrible Columbine-like massacre” (LaSalle). Basically, the movie’s actors could be considered to “good” to be in the genre of a Lifetime film. Comment by A Rintala: actors, such as Thurman and Wood. Comment by A Rintala: sq Comment by A Rintala: the reviewer doesn’t explain this in the film Comment by A Rintala: redundant Comment by A Rintala: she’s already said this, no reason to repeat it
Finally, The Life Before Her Eyes is also a bad example of a Lifetime depiction because it does have true meaning within its plot. It is not like every other terrible Lifetime film that portrays a woman having an affair and having her bosses, ex-husbands baby. Many Lifetime films are completely outrageous. One such being, Baby Monitor: Sound of Fear, which is about a nanny that sleeps with a married man (Jordan). The Life Before Her Eyes portrays real life situations and makes for a touching story as Diana’s life literally flashes before her eyes.
The Life Before her Eyes consists of all the elements that make for a good Lifetime movie; considering it has a convoluted plot, less than average acting, and portrays a woman with worrisome issues throughout her life. Though you may not spend every waking moment of your day watching Lifetime, The Life Before Her Eyes is certainly an entertaining story. It has all the necessary aspects of a Lifetime film and will certainly keep the viewer guessing. Comment by A Rintala: Conclusion needs to do more than repeat thesis
Works Cited
Holden, Stephen. “Robbed of Youth, and Saddled with Guilt.” The New York Times. 18 Apr 2008. Web. 28 Feb. 2013.
Jordan, Chris. “Most Awesome Lifetime Movie Titles Ever.” The Huffington Post. 16 Nov. 2009. Web. 28 Feb. 2013.
LaSalle, Mick. “Review: Life Before Her Eyes Shimmers.” 25 Apr. 2008. Web. 27 Feb. 2013. Comment by A Rintala: Missing Source title