BUS2023 South University Online Improving Poorly Written Email Paper

Writing Appropriate E-Mails

Given below is an example of a poorly written e-mail.

To: Sylvia Greene (sgreene@financialsolutions.com)

From: Chester Goings (cgoings@financialsolutions.com)

Subject: No Go on Baby Charity Thing

Cc:

Bcc:

Hey, Syl, you’re one in a million. But we can’t give you time off to work on that charity fashion show/luncheon thingy you want to coordinate. And Financial Solutions can’t make a big contribution as we’ve done in previous years. It’s no, no, no, all the way around.

Look, we admire the work you have done for the Newborn Hope Foundation. It has raised millions of dollars to make differences in the lives of babies, particularly premature ones. But we need you here!

With the upcoming release of our Planning Guide 5.0, we need you to interview clients. We need you to make video testimonials, and you are the one to search for stories about customer successes. Plus a zillion other tasks! Our new website will launch in just six short weeks, and all that content stuff must be in final form. With the economy in the tank and our bare-bones staff, you certainly must realize that each and every team member must be here and making a difference. If our Planning Guide 5.0 doesn’t make a big splash, we’ll all have a lot of time off.

Due to the fact that we’re the worldwide leader in on-demand financial planning and reporting software, and in view of the fact that we are about to launch our most important new product ever, you must understand our position. When things get better, we might be able to return back to our past practices. But not now!
Chet

Your assignment is to rewrite this as a professionally written, appropriately toned e-mail. Your version of this e-mail must satisfy the following parameters:

  • Subject line should be professional, informative, and include a verb.
  • Opening should cordial and the topic should be introduced using the indirect method.
  • Body should provide good information, be logical, discuss only one topic, and be easy to read.
  • Closing should conclude with action information, dates, or deadlines, summarization of the message, and a closing thought.

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